14 Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman
Social media is a wonderful place to express yourself and tell your story. With the good comes the bad, and being pregnant on instagram brings a LOT of unsolicited advice.
I asked my instagram followers @samjhobbs some things they may have been told while pregnant and didn't appreciate. I also asked the lovely @mrsdurrrrtymax if she had any "not so great things to say to a pregnant woman" ideas and she had a whole list!
These are 14 of the answers we received or were told and our take on them.
1: "Wow, you're really 6 months? Your bump is tiny"
@samjhobbs: We are already insecure as it is about our bump being too big or too small or gaining too much/not enough weight. Why comment on it? Are you insinuating my child is too small/not healthy. Are you a doctor? lol
@mrsdurrrrtymax: My personal weight gain - which was recommended by my OB was 25-35lbs. I am a smaller build, and gaining accordingly. In addition, my tiny frame doesn’t at all affect the growth of our baby. He’s in the 89% for weight.
2: "You're getting big"
@samjhobbs: Thank you? Personally I don't have a huge problem with this - YET. I love having a bump because it shows I'm carrying a child. Having opinions about it being small or big is just unnecessary.
@mrsdurrrrtymax: I haven’t had this comment too much, but one time someone said “your belly grew over night”....actually it’s been growing for 26 weeks, I’m pregnant - that’s what happens.
3: "Are you pregnant?"
@samjhobbs: I guess this could go wrong for many reasons; If you are not pregnant or if nobody knows yet and someone just asks because you "look" pregnant. Either way, stay on the safe side and don't say this lol... If the person is pregnant, they will tell you when they want to.
@mrsdurrrrtymax: All in all, NEVER ask anyone this question! I’ve been asked one time- at the gym- and the person was so kind and asked very respectfully! Thankfully my answer was YES- 26 weeks... I couldn’t imagine saying “no I’m not pregnant”... how awkward and insulting.
4: "You'll see it will be hard"
@samjhobbs: This one really bothers me. Yes, I know it will be hard, but we chose to bring a human into this world and if everyone is surviving, I'm sure we'll survive too. Discouraging and or scaring other mothers when pregnant is so so so unnecessary.
@mrsdurrrrtymax: Raising a human is not easy, I never anticipated it to be easy BUT trying to scare others is NEVER appropriate. Nothing worthwhile is EVER easy. If you aren’t encouraging the parent to be- than keep the comments to yourself.
5: "It's starting to show even in your face"
@samjhobbs: Not only do you have to deal with your body changing and virtually CAN'T do ANYTHING about it, but to be told your face is now looking pregnant is just unnecessary once again. Don't make life harder for this woman... Her hormones will also make her want to kill you or cry in despair.
@mrsdurrrrtymax: This has yet to be said to me. It was said to one of my best friends and it was so awful to see the pain, discomfort, and shame she felt. We are growing humans, YES WE ARE going to change- physically- ALL over. Have you never seen a pregnant woman before??
6: "Once you have kids, your life changes forever. Kiss your freedom goodbye"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: Sorry you feel that way. Here's to teaching our boy living epically comes to those who don't listen to the norm.
@samjhobbs: We currently have a 7 year old and we're pretty free in terms of "doing what we want, when we want". We travel, we go to the restaurant, we stay up late at weddings, we do adventurous thing... I believe you create your freedom, just include your kids in what you want to do...
7: "Your love life will go out the window"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: I have no comment. My hubby will also be a priority & so will keeping our marriage healthy. Healthy marriage = happy momma & daddy = healthy household. We have a couples trip planned that we hope to do twice a year - summer and winter trip and have babysitters already lined up - for date nights!
@samjhobbs: Again, we currently have a child at home and are still living our love life. Having a love life and taking care of your relationship as parents is a choice and yes, it may be hard sometimes, but it's going to take a lot more than having a child to throw our love life out of the window.
8: "The years X-Y-Z absolutely suck"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: We were all that age... welcome to life. Some years suck, some rock... I guess I'm as prepared as I'll ever be.
@samjhobbs: I've lived through years 4-7 with my step-son, and I cannot wait to live year 1-2-3 with my son. I don't think any years should absolutely suck... there may be harder days, but I'm so happy to be going through this experience.
9: "You went skiing/skating/horseback riding while pregnant? Jeez, isn't that kind of risky?"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: So is driving a car, walking down the street, or slipping in the shower. I fully trust my skiing capabilities and exercise is encouraged.
@samjhobbs: I personally trust my abilities to do the sports I'm doing. My horse is too young to ride, which is convenient for me since I'm pregnant. I would not get on a young horse I don't trust at the moment, but I would definitely go riding. Skating with my step-son has been a great activity this winter, I was careful in the sense of not racing the boys or playing hockey/pushing/etc, but I am not sick, just pregnant.
10: "Oh just wait, you think you're tired now? Wait until you aren't sleeping"
11: "Don't push it too hard at the gym"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: My OB, who has been practicing for 30 years, specifically said: "You are pregnant, not handicap. Don't change your workouts, unless your body tells you to." FEELING AMAZING MOVING.
@samjhobbs: Currently NOT going to the gym for #covid19 reasons... Definitely still staying active and doing as much moving as possible. With a 7 year old at home, it keeps you quite busy. Maybe a home workout article will be coming soon! lol
12: "You HAVE to breastfeed. It's the best for the baby and there's such a connection you just can't describe unless you do it"
@samjhobbs: A FED baby is a happy baby. My plan is to breast feed, given that I CAN. It's personal... These things should not be judged. I personally think that if I can feed my baby with something natural produced by my body, I will do so for sure. It happens that we can't as women and we are so lucky to have the formula to keep these babies in great health.
13: "Your body will never be the same. See this mom pouch? 16 years later and I still have it" or "Oh, I used to be skinny like you before kids, you'll see"
@mrsdurrrrtymax: I've dedicated my entire adulthood to working out and eating healthy. I don't need advice from someone who doesn't value health and fitness. We live completely different lifestyles. Here's to a post-partum body that I'll be proud of and comfy in. It'll be a long process but I will work hard.
@samjhobbs: I've been told this A LOT. I guess all I can say is... we'll see. I still share clothes with my mom and grandma and they've had kids. I've always eaten very healthy and still am throughout my pregnancy. I'm almost 5 months pregnant and 112LBS so we'll see! I'm not going to pressure my body into being anything. I love the changes and I will work very hard to feel great and have the body I want!
14: "Enjoy travelling while you can"
Jack grew up traveling - kids won't know how to travel - if you don't teach them?
@samjhobbs: We travel with my step-son without a problem. We travel with our friends and their kids, without problem. Yes, the packing may change, but we plan on travelling just as much as before given this virus gets under control.
Feel free to comment things you believe shouldn't be said to a pregnant women.
Little Mum Book